An interview can be a stressful event, and often times people will use casual conversation to break the ice and try and form a rapport with the interview manager. However, this can be a deadly trap, as in my 20 years of experience in Fortune 500 companies I have seen personal information kill the chances of a candidate getting hired. I will show you why never to share personal information - managers aren't truly allowed to ask personal questions, so this boils down to you not volunteering it - ever.
Personal Information in an Interview - A Case Study
You see pictures of children on the manager's desk, and starting out the interview you inquire about their ages, what interests they have, are they in sports, etc. This invariably leads [if you have children] to you talking about your children. Perhaps your son is a soccer star and has games and practices 4 days a week, last year he went to the tournament in a nearby city, and you're beaming with pride.
STOP. Why? Here is what I've taken away from this exchange as a manager: the candidate will have a lot of personal commitments outside of work, may not be able to commit to the crunch time every business has, and will likely be requesting a lot of time off to attend tournaments that require travel. Compare this to a candidate that has not mentioned anything about having kids [even if they do] - if all else is roughly equal myself [and most managers] will go with the second candidate who did not talk about their kids. Almost every job and company realizes there is a balance in life between work and family life - but don't make it top of mind during the interview session.
Marital status in an Interview
Here is another common situation - somehow it comes out that you're single, divorced, or married. At best this will be neutral; at worst it will cause the manager to not rank you as high as other candidates that didn't share this info. Why? Let's look at these scenarios.
Interview Scenario 1: Single and very active socially, in sports, and/or in your church.
If you volunteer this type of information, again what I hear is personal and social commitments are extremely important to me, and will likely restrict when I can work any overtime or travel for the role. You didn't say this, and it may not even be the case, but be cautious about how we are interpreting it. The minimal benefit of establishing a social rapport with the hiring manager is not worth the risk unless you tightly control and position what you are saying.
Interview Scenario 2: Divorced with 2 kids
This one has come out countless times when I am interviewing people. It sounds innocent, and can even be a socially positive conversation about your dedication to your kids, juggling time with their other parent, etc.
Can you guess how it comes across? Exactly like the other scenarios - managing raising the kids, coordinating visits with the ex-spouse, perhaps even drama or ongoing emotional drains due to a bad relationship with the ex - all of it spells complications in the managers mind, and again if you are comparable or even slightly more qualified than another candidate, this could swing the balance towards the other candidate.
Work-Life Balance
Almost all companies promote a strong work life balance, and of course a good majority of people [especially more senior] in companies are married, have kids, are divorced, are single and very active, etc. However, the work life balance comes AFTER you are hired - you shouldn't be focusing on it either consciously or unconsciously during the interview process. We all have families, friends, and a need to have a life outside of work [even as executives], and we expect out employees to as well. However, highlighting the need for this during an interview can portray the perception that it will be challenging for you to balance work and personal life, and we don't want to see that as a highlight of the interview.
One final note - please never ask about work-life balance during the interview - it takes all the perceptions above and neatly positions you as someone who is concerned a job may be too hard, impact your personal or family life, and be a burden on you. There are other ways to get at the same information [i.e. Describe a typical week at the company for this role that are constructive and don't come across as a work-life balance concern].
Written by: Russell Tuckerton
